We bat in a timed game and from the off we can see that this is probably the friendliest bowling attack we are ever likely to face (one bloke couldn’t run, one was 93, one girl who can’t have been more than 15 and not really a cricketer). The pitch, as we had been warned, was a great leveller and make us sentimental for the old Stone pitch. Walkie has the privilege of opening the innings and proudly strides out to take the first ball. He uppishly bunts a 2 and is off and running. Two1 balls later he is striding back to the pavilion caught in the slips off the bowling of Hangover Stevens who opened up for them. Scrappy and Saddam carry on the fight against the slowest of and weakest of bowlers but struggle to put any pace on the ball but get us to 34 before the leader falls again. This time for a scratchy 12 and Hangover takes the catch (should we re-think our donation of players policy?) Still, it’s a big field (with an abundance of male and female talent strewn around the boundary) and surely someone is going to get a big score? Semtex hangs around, in great support of Scrappy, proving that his technique can even out a dodgy pitch and nurdles to 8 before falling. Support fails after that, Leo goes for 1, a grumpy Skip for 0, despite several air shots, and in-between we lost, what would turn out to be our top scorer, Scrappy for 30. Vice looked in good touch before he is bowled by their best bowler for 13, TD also looked the part before he is caught in the deep for 14. “Hot Wheels” Edmunds (friend of Vice) nearly kills TD with an all-run 4 but is out for 5 and Candy Man a very grumpy LBW (he had a point – it was missing off and leg and only just clipping middle half way up) for 2, which leaves Double 0 on exactly that, 0*. We finish on 99 and are very disappointed despite the oppo claiming this is a good score on this pitch (Stevens took 3-19 and two catches. Guess what he gets later?)
Tea. Much better effort and enjoyed all round. We present Walkie with a 16th Birthday cake.
We lurch into the field and have the luxury of regular subs through the day for all perhaps except those that needed it!
Ruggy does what he does so well and sticks to good lines and lengths. His four overs costing only 6 but he got the opener with one that, how shall we say, kept a bit low on him. As I said to Saddam, you can always tell when a bloke can really bat just before he departed for 0. Candy Man keeps up the pressure at the other end but still remains wicketless for the club. There appears to be a rule in Cambridge that a thin edge to the ‘keeper standing up to the stumps, even with spectators appealing isn’t out. I hope that bat enjoyed the 2 runs he managed to muster before we ran him out (good arm Scrappy).
Vice rotates his bowlers well and sets good fields to frustrate the batting side and they never looked like getting close. One of the great moments being the move of a player to gully, a rank wide full toss from Hot Wheels and he smacks straight to gully. As Napoleon said, “I don’t need good generals, I need lucky ones”. Tell you what, it looked great. We rattled through them in no time and almost everything was held. Grumpy Stumpy took a nice leg side effort and dropped a sitter at the end but it didn’t cost us. Dino, on a pitch I am sure he would love to take everywhere, turned one Warne-style that had the bat asking if the keeper had knocked the stumps as he could not believe the ball had hit. Glorious. Vice takes 2-8, Double 0 3-8, Scrappy 1-4 and the last another run out. The 93-year-old gentleman was sold so far down the river we could have run him out four times (which was lucky as Grumpy Stumpy took two goes to get the bails off). They are cleaned up for 59 and we are 2 for 2 on SAT130.
We retire to their pub in one of the less salubrious areas of Cambridge and dole out the awards. SB not surprisingly to Hangover for his excellent performance for them and the Ainsley Harriet Hot Performance of the Day to our treasure Scrappy. We hug and kiss and promise to be friends for ever as we make our way home.
A special thanks to Jordan Garratt for getting this tour organised and sorted so well. Thanks to Saddam for two great fixtures, two lovely grounds and one half-decent tea.
Thanks to everyone who took time out from their lives and made this weekend what has been termed as the “greatest tour ever” Perhaps, that is, until next year?
– Skip