Lordswood CC 4th XI vs. Stone CC, 27.06.15

Not much of a pre-match routine this week, as I had to take Tom to his Duke of Edinburgh thing at Hope Hill near Brands Hatch. I walked the dogs, made bacon rolls and got ready for cricket. I also went to pick up the Team Director,  who was too busy doing his weekly shop to be at home when I got there – I think he is more unorganised than me. So we missed the convoy to Lordswood and had to have our own 100mph one on our own.

I think this is enough of the skipper’s pre-match ramble for now – let’s talk about the cricket. Like many of my predecessors, I lost the toss again – that is three in a row now and I have called heads twice and tails once. I need that double-headed coin from Only Fools and Horses for the next game, I think. Unbelievably their skipper decided to bat, which was a surprise as we got them out for 112 last time, after a very long chat about kids (not sure which one of us was Rolf Harris), before I get myself in any more trouble – it was youth development and youth cricket at a big club, could not offer that much support really.

We took to the field in anticipation of a good day’s cricket, We opened with the Garratts including the returning Mario. They both bowled very well, with Ryan bowling his usual mixed bag of all-sorts and confusing their batsman and Jordan bowling really well considering he has not played for a while. Ryan finished with 1 for 20 off eight and Jordan 1 for 18 off eight. The skipper turned to the two in-form bowlers, both bowling excellently. What more can a captain ask for – Goodfellow finishing with 3 for 19 off eight and Geoff (Jetset) with 3 for 26 off eight. Lordswood just could not get our bowling away. Jack bowled two overs for 5 but remained wicketless and young Jordan picked up the last two wickets in two overs for just 4 runs conceded, leaving Lordswood 100 all out in 36 overs. It was a really good fielding performance with a couple of good catches too. As you can see, I am a no-nonsense sort of captain – four on the off side, four on the leg side, and get your bowlers to bowl out their overs with a good line and length.

After a nice tea in the sunshine, Bateley and Ross went out to bat. The pitch we now found out was very slow with the ball keeping low and not really coming on to the bat very quickly. Ross was out for 5 trying to force it, Jack came in and hit three 4s in a row with some nice shots before he hit one in the air going for one too many big shots and was out for 21. I am now not on young Alfie’s Xmas card list as I gave him out for 0 to ruin his average, caught off what he thought was a no ball – I did not think it was that high or dangerous, as I was umpiring in my pads as I was next in (Huge Fine). I had to take a bat, gloves and small box, only for Matty G to bring my own stuff out at the end of the over. Myself and Bateley plodded on for a few more overs, finally finishing it off in 21 overs – 101 for 3, with Dartsy 5* and another fine jug avoidance for Stumpy on 47*. 

To the nice clubhouse where we sat in the sunshine consuming four jugs of lager & bitter, Pimms for the ladies (Mrs Chung), Cokes, and pints of Lemonade for the lager top drinkers, and we held a good fining session. As Matty G said, what a nice place to play cricket, and can we play you every week?

– Dartsy