To set the tone for the day I decided to stop off at a local hostelry on the way to the game with Semtex. I had given him a lift to prevent any reprisals should something bad happen during the day. It did. It wasn’t my fault. He thought it was and so the lift giving plan was successful.
So, 2 pints to the good we arrive at the ground, with its myriad of hard to miss trees and associated by laws in plenty of time. More ale and rum and a so called “Turbo Shandy” was imbibed and so the training for the All Stars game had begun.
We win the toss and put the oppo’ in for a timed game. The plan being for us to skittle them, knock the runs off and get to the Malt for continued training.
The two openers for Ash are good and make use of a very fast outfield. Glancing even good balls for 4 to the shorter boundary. Slaaaaaaaaaater and Dino, apart from one big over did well to keep them in check and we take the first wicket on 29. Slaaaaaater brought one back beautifully bowling the opener. Beginning of the collapse? Dino gets their Number 3 to play back and bowls him too. Deserved reward for some typically good bowling. 38/2. Then a bit of a stand, that was not part of the plan until Jack Rogers (Twin of the popular Tom) gets the other opener with a good faster ball and bowls him behind his legs. 68/3. (Detailed isn’t it?) It’s all going well and we continue to have a lot of energy in the field with everyone on their game. (I will list the drops at the end). Quaker comes on and gets a wicket with his fourth ball. No doubt he wont shut up about that for ages. 87/5 (I think there must have been a run out) and we are thinking we could get them out for 160 or so. All the plans are working.
The second half of their innings did not go according to our plan. The two guys batting chanced their arms constantly and if the ball wasn’t going to hand, (even if it did it wasn’t sticking) it was flying in the air around and over us. We started to lose our energy (clearly not enough “turbo shandies”). We donated runs with some sloppy fielding and Skip’ smashing it into the leaves of a tree with a deadly throw in didn’t help (6 in the book for 2 run on the pitch). Quite remarkably they ended on 215/5. Slaaaaater the pick of the bowlers with 2-35 from 8. Scrappy incredibly finished with 0-28 from 7 but could have had 3.
List of shame for the drops (and none of them were Pussy): Saddam (skier at long on that he got to but could not hold); Stumpy (a regulation snick behind); Scrappy/Quaker (just not putting a name on it and no one went in the end); Jack (twice – both tricky ones straight back at him off his own bowling); and Dino (pinged straight to him but quite sharp). It was just one of those days.
TEA. Back on the ale for some and a decent spread.
Our Skipper, having spilt blood for the team by crashing into an outfield fence whilst not stopping a 4 (what was the point?) drops himself to 5 and opens our innings with Saddam and Vice.
Saddam looked comfortable straight away. Vice on the other hand looked quite hacked off walking back for a golden duck. (Netflix looked after him for 30 minutes after that) 2/1. Jack Rogers strides out and looks well set up as he annoyingly looks like he has played all season. They ease to 27 fairly quickly and are untroubled until Saddam falls for 21. His right hand stance to a left arm around the wicket bowler not enough to convince the umpire it was missing. 27/2. Stumpy ambles in, having only just got padded up in time and he and Jack begin the rebuild. Ash don’t seem to have much in the way of bowling and a decent stand now puts us back in it. Stumpy out for 2 caught behind. 36/3. Time for a captain’s innings, which, based on his form this year, is unlikely. Last time he batted with Jack they put on 89 (See Candyman’s report of that game for full coverage of everything he did.) so it can be done. Jack out for 13 and we are 36/4. It is starting to look like a good game to draw.
Then it happens. Semtex and Skip are battling it out when the ball is cut to point. The striker of the ball calls “wait there” the non striker is tearing down the wicket and gets sent back. The throw was poor and he could have made it but slipping over twice did not help. What happened next (and for several minutes afterwards) has been apologised for from all sides and no need to go into details. It has been described as “hilarious” by others but I pass no comment. Suffice it to say the “victim” of the piece may have Bambi on his shirt next year. 51/5 and now it seems like a great game to draw.
Quaker and Skip are like two versions of Horatius Cocles who kept the Etruscan hoards at bay and get us into the last 20 overs until our defence is broken. Quaker falls for 11 from 32 balls and we are 97/7. Time for heroes and still the bowling is friendly. Walkie Talkie and his lopsided helmet are the next to stand up for the cause. He did not stand for long and after 5 balls picks up the second duck of the day. Slaaaaaater is next up and we have around 9 overs to go. He defends beautifully and produces a fine square drive for 4. A lovely clip for another 4 and a straight drive straight out of the Ian Bell book of perfect shots for 4. They have better bowlers on and are testing both bats but, a bit like my first wedding night, there is no penetration and these two giants carry us to the end. We finish on 151/8. Slaaaaaater 27* (from 25 balls) and Skip 43* (from 88 balls). If ever there was a great draw then this was it.
PUB
We all attended and had a great night at the Malt. Lots of singing, Oaten spoke out loud, and Sam Pusey almost got award of the day for an array of stories about “Pusey Pig” that had us all in stitches. Don’t believe me? Can’t swallow that story? Then make a better fist of attending and come along next time. SB of the D: “na na na na na na na Ross’s hit the tree hit the tree Ross’s hit the tree…” Performance of the day: Skip (he joins Dory the vanilla gangster being the only two to get both awards on the same day).
– Skip